My Red Tail

Happy Mother's Day!!! Thanks for being so loving and caring to us! May God grant you all more strength to spread the love in the world... We love you!

To my mom and my sister, Happy Mom's Day! I love you both... I hope that you'll continue to love us and take good care of us like u always do.

hi bloggers and readers... it's been quite awhile... well, i really miss blogging. I'm so busy that when i get home from work, i go to bed and sleep. I'm thinking of writing a new blog about my love life, but i don't think it's really something that would interest all of you. I'm just so depressed that I can't tell anybody about what's going on in my life. I'm tired to keep what's inside of me, like i wanna shout and tell the world that I'm hurting. Although i know the fact that this pain will not stay forever, I'm still worried and I'm sad that this is happening to me. I used to be very happy and satisfied with my loved one, until distance separated us for quite some time. I trusted, I believed. Later on, i knew it wasn't worth it at all. Even if there was an apology, I couldn't let the pain go. It's been 5 months since it happened and here I am, stuck with the pain in my heart. I have no idea how to move on. I'm still with this person I love so much. Is it real that you can love someone even if the trust has disappeared? I used to say that trust is more important than love. Now, I can't say goodbye though I don't trust this person completely anymore. I know I have to let go but there is something that holds me back. The pain goes on and on everyday, and i feel so helpless as day goes by. I don't know what to do, I'm confused. I hope that soon, I'll find a way to accept the mistakes and learn to forgive and just forget. I wish it's possible. I wish it's so easy to move on.

do u ever feel like you have an unfinished business with someone you've met ages ago? like u want to meet that person again for a chat or u want to clear some things up with him?

its been 10 years when i met this guy from the place i used to work at. I was a front counter crew in a fast food restaurant, and this guy used to line up to my counter. I can say he was our regular customer. He was always having breakfast meals and after his classes, he would drop by for some snacks. On weekends, he and his friends would drop by after their basketball practice. One night, the place was tightly packed. All counters were full, I was in a rush. When it was his turn to order, he asked me if i can be his prom date... i stopped for a few seconds, shocked, then i said "Why me? No... I'm sorry, but really, NO."

After that, he never ordered on my counter anymore. If he had no choice, he would let his friends order for him. I felt he was upset, disappointed, and he hates me. I wasn't able to explain. I know i was able to hurt him, but i had no chance to make him feel better.

I want to let him know why i refused. I had a boyfriend back then, I'm older than him, and I'm just a service crew, while he could be a rich kid just playing a game. I was afraid that maybe he was not serious at all. It's been 10 years, I don't know where he is. I don't know if he still remembers that incident. The store where it all happened is already closed. We cant go back, hoping to bump at each other again.

How bout u? Is there any unfinished business in your life right now?

In everyone's love life, we don't know what's going to happen in a relationship. We might meet two different people who can change our lives instantly. Also, we might face the most difficult question there is. Now, if worse comes to worst, who are you going to choose to be with, the one you love or the one who loves you?

I don't want to make a decision like this in my life, it scares me. I don't want to choose coz I might end up choosing the wrong one. Sadly, we can't turn back time once we have made a decision already. This is also the same as choosing your head over heart... Well, if I really have to, I will choose the one who loves me because I know that the right time will come when i will be able to learn to love him back... Actually, the decision varies from one person to another. For me, I know myself so much and I know that it's easier teaching myself to love someone than teaching someone to love me the way I want him to. If I will choose to follow my heart, I might end up hurting deeply if I will continue loving someone who doesn't even feel anything for me. I believe that this is also the reason why God put our head above our heart.

Someone asked from myLot (an online discussion/blog site) this question, "Is it normal to be single or not?" She said that she's 40 years old, got married and divorced, been into relationships and now, she chose to be single. Her friends think that it's a sad thing. So she asked myLotters (people from the discussion/blog site) about what we think about it.

Well, I said, it is normal. People tend to choose to be alone somehow. Being sick and tired in a relationship could be the main reason for that. Well, I used to be single for 3 years straight, and it's because i enjoy to be on my own than having someone to be with and think about everyday. Sometimes it's better to be single than having a boyfriend who is never really "in love" with you, right? How about you? What do you think about it?