My Red Tail

hi bloggers and readers... it's been quite awhile... well, i really miss blogging. I'm so busy that when i get home from work, i go to bed and sleep. I'm thinking of writing a new blog about my love life, but i don't think it's really something that would interest all of you. I'm just so depressed that I can't tell anybody about what's going on in my life. I'm tired to keep what's inside of me, like i wanna shout and tell the world that I'm hurting. Although i know the fact that this pain will not stay forever, I'm still worried and I'm sad that this is happening to me. I used to be very happy and satisfied with my loved one, until distance separated us for quite some time. I trusted, I believed. Later on, i knew it wasn't worth it at all. Even if there was an apology, I couldn't let the pain go. It's been 5 months since it happened and here I am, stuck with the pain in my heart. I have no idea how to move on. I'm still with this person I love so much. Is it real that you can love someone even if the trust has disappeared? I used to say that trust is more important than love. Now, I can't say goodbye though I don't trust this person completely anymore. I know I have to let go but there is something that holds me back. The pain goes on and on everyday, and i feel so helpless as day goes by. I don't know what to do, I'm confused. I hope that soon, I'll find a way to accept the mistakes and learn to forgive and just forget. I wish it's possible. I wish it's so easy to move on.

Oh my God! It's been a long time since I last wrote something here. I've been busy since September. I told you guys that I'm heading to Qatar and when I got here in Doha, I worked and worked and worked...

I have no PC here in Qatar before; I used to borrow someone else's laptop. I can't blog because I have not much time to do so. Of course, shy to borrow her laptop for hours. Finally, I bought my laptop last Thursday, so here I am now. I hope back for good. I'm really busy at work. "Too much work" as what my Lebanese co-worker says all the time. Sometimes, I sit back and think what if I go back home in the Philippines. I know I won't get the job that I really like but at least I'm with my family, right? Homesickness slowly kills me. And I can't accept the fact that there is also discrimination here in Qatar. I'm a Filipino who works with arab peeps. And to my dismay, my boss thinks about money, money, and money. He even makes us go to work even on our rest day. Fridays are supposed to be our day off and yet, he gets our friday evenings to work for his studio.. You know, we even have work on Christmas day. It upsets me that he has no respect on Christian holidays. Why he didn't give us a week to spend our Christmas season? We worked hard during Garangao and Eid last September and October. We worked more or less 16 hours in one day! We worked whole day on fridays too. Isn't that too much? What is more upsetting is that Filipino salary is just half of what other nationalities in our studio get. And about workload, ours is more than those peeps. Damn it! I always think about leaving that studio but where will I go once I left it? Patience is virtue as we always say, but how long must I be patient? Oh well, I guess I have to accept the fact that this world is really unfair. I'll just make my own world where there is only love, peace and justice.

Are you familiar with this? Sunday at home is known as "Sin Day" which means, eating anything you want to eat just to make you happy, but strictly within 24 hours only! Yup, this is being followed at home since we are all overweight. My brother who goes to the gym regularly told us about this one very helpful thing to make us lose weight. Eat right from Monday til Saturday, then eat everything you are craving for on Sundays only. I think following this routine helped us lose weight somehow plus drinking water before meals NOT after meals...

I love it when it is Sunday... I ate grilled pork chops with a cup of rice for lunch, I had pizza for my 4:00 pm snacks, I had coke too, and I had lasagna for dinner... MMMMM... so yummy!!! Tomorrow is Monday and I'll be back eating 1/4 cup of rice with a small piece of meat for lunch and dinner, and just crackers in between meals. No softdrinks (which makes me sad), and no sweets (which makes my days like a nightmare!)

Oh well, don't you simply love "Sin Days"?!
I bet you do now.

I bought new stuffs for my travel and I spent only a few bucks to get all what I need!

Yep, that's true, only a few bucks for everything I need to bring along with me.

Greenhills Shopping Center (GSC) is one of the best place to shop for anything you want, like clothes and shoes (Yes girls, you hear me?), all of what's new can be bought here, and all at a cheap price.

To be exact, I brought 6,000 pesos (more or less $130) yesterday, and I bought 4 black shirts, 2 black slacks, 1 black skinny jeans, a pair of black peep-toe shoes, and 3 colored bras for my friend... I counted my money when I got home and found out I spent 2,360 pesos (more or less $52) only! Imagine that? I still have 3,640 pesos ($80) to buy more of the things that I want.

If you love bargains, shop at GSC now! It's in San Juan, MM, Philippines

It's been like four years since my last post and log in at my multiply.com account. I totally forgot all about it. I'm more on friendster and piczo so I lost my interest at multiply. My friends are also at friendster only so I decided to abandon my account... Now, since I'm active in blogging, I'm trying to use it for that purpose. Also, I want to use it for business. I might try to sell some stuffs using my multiply page. How bout you? Do you have a multiply account too? maybe you want to check out mine and add me up.. HERE is the link... leave some comments! thanks!

do u ever feel like you have an unfinished business with someone you've met ages ago? like u want to meet that person again for a chat or u want to clear some things up with him?

its been 10 years when i met this guy from the place i used to work at. I was a front counter crew in a fast food restaurant, and this guy used to line up to my counter. I can say he was our regular customer. He was always having breakfast meals and after his classes, he would drop by for some snacks. On weekends, he and his friends would drop by after their basketball practice. One night, the place was tightly packed. All counters were full, I was in a rush. When it was his turn to order, he asked me if i can be his prom date... i stopped for a few seconds, shocked, then i said "Why me? No... I'm sorry, but really, NO."

After that, he never ordered on my counter anymore. If he had no choice, he would let his friends order for him. I felt he was upset, disappointed, and he hates me. I wasn't able to explain. I know i was able to hurt him, but i had no chance to make him feel better.

I want to let him know why i refused. I had a boyfriend back then, I'm older than him, and I'm just a service crew, while he could be a rich kid just playing a game. I was afraid that maybe he was not serious at all. It's been 10 years, I don't know where he is. I don't know if he still remembers that incident. The store where it all happened is already closed. We cant go back, hoping to bump at each other again.

How bout u? Is there any unfinished business in your life right now?

In everyone's love life, we don't know what's going to happen in a relationship. We might meet two different people who can change our lives instantly. Also, we might face the most difficult question there is. Now, if worse comes to worst, who are you going to choose to be with, the one you love or the one who loves you?

I don't want to make a decision like this in my life, it scares me. I don't want to choose coz I might end up choosing the wrong one. Sadly, we can't turn back time once we have made a decision already. This is also the same as choosing your head over heart... Well, if I really have to, I will choose the one who loves me because I know that the right time will come when i will be able to learn to love him back... Actually, the decision varies from one person to another. For me, I know myself so much and I know that it's easier teaching myself to love someone than teaching someone to love me the way I want him to. If I will choose to follow my heart, I might end up hurting deeply if I will continue loving someone who doesn't even feel anything for me. I believe that this is also the reason why God put our head above our heart.

I'm one of those people who wants to go and work abroad not for a higher salary (which it is if compared here in the Philippines) but because I want to travel and see places. I love to explore every corners in every land that my feet could take me. I don't want to lose the chance not to be able to see and know what makes other countries beautiful. If there is one job I would choose, I want to be a seawoman in a cruise ship. It doesn't matter whatever position God will give me there, but at least I'm part of that cruise and I'll be able to almost go around the world in less than a year. Now, I'm packing my things while waiting for my authenticated Qatar visa that might come anytime next week... My friends who are waiting for me in Qatar to work with too, told me that our employer booked me already and that I might receive the round trip ticket anytime too. OMG! I'm so excited! I've been to UAE two years ago, now, I'll be back in the middle east again. I know it's going to be a burning oven, so I should not forget my sunblock and whitening lotion (actually, these are on top of my "what-to-bring" list)... I guess I'll be leaving my new born niece behind, my pets, my room, my HP books... but I have to think of my future. I can't stay here trying to earn online all the time. I have to break some bones to get cash faster and I can't see with my own eyes the places the world has to show me if I would just sit here all day in front of my pc right? Oh well, I'm just counting days, see you soon Qatar!